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(Evening, Oliver’s room. Oliver sitting at computer, browsing the Internet)

(on-screen) LUCAS: Can’t wait to crush some noobs tomorrow.

REN: Um, Lucas, how much practice have you put in?

LUCAS: Practice? Hah! My opponents are nothing against Meta Knight.

REN: Look, we’ve been over this. You can’t expect to win just by spamming tornados.

LUCAS: Spamming? You’ve seen me play. You should know my skills better than anyone.

REN: Yeah, I do. You’ve never beaten anything by yourself. You always reach for the FAQ first. You mocked that girl for not beating Ruby and Emerald Weapon, but even after you looked up the guide, I still had to tell you how to do it.

LUCAS: Oh, boo hoo. If you love Fake Geek Girl so much, why didn’t you say anything then?

Milking a pun for all its worth(while looking at forum posts) Heh heh, what do you know?


(The next evening, one day before the tournament)

Milking a pun for all its worthHey, Stacy, I got some great news.

a.k.a. StacyYeah? Shoot.

Milking a pun for all its worthYou know Lucas? He’s a fake! He only beat Ruby and Emerald Weapon because he had someone helping him!

a.k.a. StacyNo way! What a hypocrite.

Milking a pun for all its worthOne of the other Gamer Club guys was complaining that he never practices and just expects to win with Meta Knight.

a.k.a. StacyWow. I can’t wait to pop that guy’s ego.

Milking a pun for all its worthMe too! Whoever gets him, we’ll kick his ass! Then we can expose that fake geek to the entire university! I can’t wait to see the look on his face.

a.k.a. StacyUm…sure.

Milking a pun for all its worthJust think, for once, everyone will be laughing at him, not us! He’ll be ruined! Once the school gets word, he’ll never be able to face his stupid club ever again!

a.k.a. Stacy

Milking a pun for all its worthStacy, what’s wrong?

a.k.a. StacyI’m sorry, Oliver. I…I just don’t want to be a part of that.

Milking a pun for all its worthWait, part of what?

a.k.a. Stacy…calling people fake. All we end up doing is pointing fingers at each other.

Milking a pun for all its worthBut he’s been nothing but horrible to you!

a.k.a. StacySure. But he’s not the only one. And it’s like what Lindsay Lohan said in Mean Girls. Calling them shallow and vain didn’t make me feel any less fake. I’ve went through enough. Making other people go through that humiliation won’t make us any happier.

Milking a pun for all its worthOh. Sorry. Just a stupid idea of mine, that’s all.

a.k.a. StacyDon’t worry about that. I know he’s been an asshole to you too. But we don’t need dirty tricks. We’ve got our skills. We trained hard for this tournament.

Milking a pun for all its worthYeah, you’re right. We’re gonna go in there and win! On our own merits! Let’s do this!

a.k.a. StacyIndeed! (high-fives Oliver)


(Stacy’s house, outside)

UNCLE: (parks car) Ready? We won’t be stopping for bathroom breaks.

a.k.a. Stacy(smiles) Ready as ever.

UNCLE: Stacy, I got something for you. (hands over case)

a.k.a. Stacy(opens case) Aww, thanks, Uncle. They’re lovely. (puts on new glasses)

UNCLE: You’ll need perfect eyesight for the tournament!

(on the road)

Milking a pun for all its worthHey, Stace, I hope we don’t die of dysentry.

UNCLE: (glares at Oliver through front mirror)

Milking a pun for all its worthYou know, Oregon Trail?

a.k.a. Stacy(stifles giggle)

UNCLE: …that’s it. No more game jokes, you two. Save em for the convention.

(end of Act II)