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(Stacy’s house, living room at dawn. Morning sun shines into the room)

UNCLE: So, you want to be a master of video games, do you?

a.k.a. StacyMilking a pun for all its worthUh-huh.

UNCLE: You want me to train you so you can fight back against bullies?

a.k.a. StacyMilking a pun for all its worthUh-huh.

UNCLE: Then why don’t you just learn karate?

a.k.a. StacyBecause our bullies are nerds, not jocks.

UNCLE: Oh, nerd bullies you say? A contest of brains, not brawn?

a.k.a. StacyMilking a pun for all its worthUh-huh.

UNCLE: Wrong answer! Intellect alone can’t win you games. Reflexes alone can’t win you games. You need both to defeat your foes!

Milking a pun for all its worthSo you’ll help us? Grant us your great video game wisdom?

UNCLE: Don’t be a kiss-ass.

—-

(Stacy’s room, afternoon)

UNCLE: We start simple! Punch-Out!! An arcade classic! No gimmicks, just pure timing and reflexes! Even with your new-fangled graphics, it’s all about fundamentals! (inserts disc in Wii)

Milking a pun for all its worth(keeps jabbing King Hippo’s belly, gets knocked out) Geez, how are you supposed to hurt him?

a.k.a. StacyLet me try. (gets King Hippo down to half health, but gets knocked out by double punch) This game is hard!

UNCLE: (shakes head) Kids these days.

Milking a pun for all its worthCan we play Smash Bros now?

UNCLE: You want to give up so early? You haven’t even passed the first circuit! Are you just going to wimp out like this in front of so many people?

a.k.a. StacyBut how is this supposed to help us? Smash Bros is a lot more complex than this! You have special moves and stuff.

UNCLE: Stacy, how can you throw fireballs before you learn to punch? We’ll try a different game. (puts on Pac-Man) Use your big pellets wisely. Look at the entire screen. Draw the path to victory in your head, then travel it!

Milking a pun for all its wortha.k.a. Stacy(both repeatedly hear Pac-Man die on the first two levels)

a.k.a. StacyStupid ghosts!

Milking a pun for all its worthThey keep trapping me!

UNCLE: (shakes head) Enough. We try again in two weeks.

a.k.a. StacyBut Uncle, we haven’t played Smash Bros yet! And the tournament’s in a month!

UNCLE: Expert players have instinct. They will think 20 moves ahead of you. You both lack that instinct, and it cannot be taught in a month. And I have a job and family to attend to. Two weeks, no sooner. (leaves)

Milking a pun for all its worth(looks at a dejected Stacy) Well, you tried. We can still go to the tournament for fun, I guess.

a.k.a. Stacy…it’s not about the tournament.

—-

(Stacy’s room, a few days later)

Milking a pun for all its worth(after a long losing streak in online Smash Bros) Your turn.

a.k.a. StacyWe’re not getting anywhere right now. Let’s take a break.

Milking a pun for all its worthYou know, that Punch-Out game was hard, but it sure was fun. I’m glad you have it.

a.k.a. StacyWell, I never got around to playing it before, but yeah, it’s satisfying just to punch people. Let’s do it.

—-

a.k.a. StacyJust remember the order his fast punches come out, and you’ll get him this time!

Milking a pun for all its worth(cuts to Oliver laying the final punch on Mr. Sandman) Yeah! That was so much fun.

a.k.a. StacyJust like fighting bullies, right?

Milking a pun for all its worthYep. My favourite boxer’s Super Macho Man. He’s just like Lucas. (imitates Gamer Club leader) “Oh, these games? You haven’t played THESE games!”

a.k.a. StacyHahaha!

—-

(montage of victories in Super Smash Bros by Zelda and Ike follow.)

a.k.a. StacyHi, Uncle!

UNCLE: Oh, hello, Stacy. Are you still playing that Smash Bros game?

a.k.a. StacyYes. Thanks for the advice! Beating Punch-Out really helped, and we’ve gotten a lot better at thinking ahead of our opponents because of it! Just like you said!

UNCLE: WHAT?! You kids sure have a lot of time on your hands.

Milking a pun for all its worthHey, er, Uncle, do you want to play with us?

UNCLE: I don’t know if I have the time…and I’m not used to your newfangled games…

a.k.a. StacyPlease, Uncle? We haven’t done anything together in years.

UNCLE: (sigh) Fine. Just for my beloved niece. Let me just read the manual first.

—-

The Winner is…Mario!

UNCLE: (cracks small grin)

Milking a pun for all its worthSee, Stacy, I told you just attacking me was a bad idea!

a.k.a. StacyWell, you were always chasing me! But anyway, it was a close match. Congrats, Uncle!

UNCLE: This takes me back, when it was just me and my buddies blowing our extra change on Street Fighter.

Milking a pun for all its worthSay, were you really that good? And who was your favourite character?

UNCLE: I would win every single game as Chun-Li.

Milking a pun for all its worth(gasp) That’s awesome.

a.k.a. StacySo, do you think we’re ready for the tournament?

UNCLE: You kids are dedicated. You should do fine. I’ll drive you there.

Milking a pun for all its wortha.k.a. StacyYay!

a.k.a. StacyI’ll sign us all up then!

(next)

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