New blog feature: It Doesn’t Suck!

Published September 12, 2015 by immaterialideal

What is this?

This is a blog series in which I take on a widely despised media work and argue in its defense; emphasizing the good, or at least redeemable aspects of a movie, TV show, video game, etc.

Why am I doing this?

Because Internet personalities mocking things (e.g. Angry Video Game Nerd) are a dime a dozen on the Internet, but series defending things are much rarer. Still, people tend to root for the underdog, and that’s why the main characters of Ace Attorney are on the defense while prosecutors tend to be the antagonists. My goal is not necessarily to change people’s minds, but I hope at least people will see things from a different perspective. I am convinced that there’s no one-size-fits-all measure of quality, but it depends largely on how well a media piece resonates with a person’s lived experience. In other words, not bad, but misunderstood. Also, it’s precisely because of the fun of defending things that I often find controversial media more interesting than popular media, and I learned a lot from reading people arguing in favour of things I don’t care for.

At the same time, I understand why media prosecutors tend to be more common. It’s cathartic to rip into something terrible, and I know that as a bad movie fan. Prosecution is easier because it is more often aligned with popular opinion. Also, it’s easy to dig up obscure bad things to review, but defending things is unsustainable for a series because eventually, you run out of stuff you feel passionate about. Still, there are a lot of bad “angry” critics out there, and often, exaggerating the negative makes you look like an asshole (Confused Matthew is the best example of that). Even AVGN has lost appeal over time since James Rolfe ended up being a more likable character as his humble self. So I guess part of this is trying to bring a more positive balance to the Internet Force or something.

What am I not doing?

Stuff I enjoy because of their flaws rather than in spite of them: e.g. Plan 9 from Outer Space, Neil LaBute’s The Wicker Man.

Devil’s advocate entries. The intent is to be sincere, so I’m not going to attempt making The Star Wars Holiday Special look good.

Things that do not have a sufficient level of backlash against them. In other words, if I cannot verify “Wait, X is hated?” then it doesn’t count.

Things in which I have nothing new to add. In other words, things which I can simply link to someone else’s article and call it a day.

Things which I like, but generally agree with the criticism, including the redeeming aspects. For instance, my enjoyment of the Star Wars prequels pretty much boils down to “Palpatine,” and that’s hardly an uncommon opinion.

Suggestions. I need to have a personal history with something in order to defend it. That being said, everyone is free to write their own reviews.

What am I planning to feature?

Tentatively, and not in chronological order:

Cardcaptors (the Nelvana dub)

Glen or Glenda (Yes, the Ed Wood movie)

How the Grinch Stole Christmas (the live-action movie; Christmas special)

The Nightmare on Elm Street sequels (Halloween special; also, RIP Wes Craven; his original movie was responsible for converting me into a horror fan)

Pokémon (the main anime)


Yeah, short list, but the conditions above filtered out a lot of things. I may add more things as I think of them.

Future direction of the blog

Published August 28, 2015 by immaterialideal

Been a while since I wrote in this thing. Part of it was because I was having trouble deciding on what kind of blog I wanted it to be. For my early posts, I wrote a lot of sociopolitical stuff, but truth be told, I’m kind of burned on that. Eventually, you end up coming off as a broken record, or worse, it makes you more bitter and vindictive. I’ll still be writing about that when I feel like it, since the election’s coming up, and also because issues such as cyberstalking (most prominently with the Amanda Todd case) don’t get the attention they deserve, but I resolve to be more constructive from here on out. That’s going to be challenging to keep, since deep resentment towards my suburban upbringing tends to lurk into my posts, especially some of my more vindictive ones, but I’m trying to get better at avoiding stereotyping and dropping grudges. I’m not deleting anything, since it’s a personal blog, but I’ve had changes of heart regarding some of my posts. For instance, I realized some things such as oil pipeline protests transcend political boundaries, and individual situations can’t be simply classified as liberal/conservative/socialist/etc. Meeting people in campaigns and protests makes a difference for your political views, as solving real-world problems necessitates being more pragmatic.

Also, I have other interests, and I feel emphasizing politics too much tends to make those topics look frivolous in comparison. Yeah, I know any field with celebrities such as Rob Ford and Donald Trump can’t be too serious, but I feel that going from Ferguson to children’s cartoons tends to alienate people who aren’t adapted to such a tonal shift. Sure, I treat it as my diary, but it’s still out in the open for people to read. Though being under-the-radar has the perk of making topic transitions easier, since I don’t have the baggage that comes with being scrutinized as a celebrity. In any case, I prefer the freedom of not being locked into any particular subject, so the blog can better reflect my thoughts.

Speaking of that, I have been wanting to get into writing stories, hence that Fake Geek Girl Adventures thing. The idea came to me partly from being inspired by Elizabeth Simins’ personal story in Manic Pixel Dream Girl, and consequently, wanting to do a pseudo-adaptation of that story. Also, I wanted to give Fake Geek Girl a name, to show that there’s an actual person on the face of that meme (would be interesting to meet the girl in the photo someday). Originally, I envisioned her as someone who tends to make witty comebacks at those questioning her credentials, but in the end, Stacy turned out to be more of a Disney protagonist, not only because it better fit the Manic Pixel Dream Girl story, but because I felt she was more relatable that way (kind of like how Po from Kung Fu Panda was originally conceived as arrogant, but Jack Black made him more innocent for the final movie). She still got to reference Sonic the Hedgehog, though. I may write a full commentary at some point, especially because it would be interesting to bring the story to life on the stage (if I ever get a clue of idea of how to get started with producing such a thing).

I have one other story planned for Stacy and friends, but other than that, I would be interested in seeing other people write Fake Geek Girl stories, with Fake Geek Girl being a title rather than referring to any one person. I’m not sure what people thought of this story, but I felt it was a good starting point experience-wise, and I have a few other ideas floating around waiting to be written.

Fake Geek Girl Adventures Act 3-3: “This is My Story. It Will Be a Good One.”

Published June 1, 2015 by immaterialideal


(Afternoon, convention centre, video game hall. Hoenn Elite Four music is playing over the battle)

ANNOUNCER: The score stands 2-1 in Lydia’s favour! It looks like it’s all over!

(Lucina deftly dodges Zelda’s attacks, baiting out an attack to deliver the final strike)


The winner is…Lucina! (round of applause)

ANNOUNCER: Amazing! Zelda was no match for Lucina’s agility! Lydia will be moving onward!

Dyed hair makes good gator repellent(shakes hand) Good game.

a.k.a. StacyYou’re really good. A lot better than I’ll ever be.

Dyed hair makes good gator repellentHey, everyone’s gotta start somewhere. I wasn’t that good at first either, but I had friends to help me along the way.

a.k.a. StacyThat’s the thing. I don’t have many people to play with.

Dyed hair makes good gator repellentHmm…how about this? I’ll give you my number, and we can stay in touch for practice sessions.

a.k.a. StacyReally? You’d do that for me?

Dyed hair makes good gator repellentAnything to help a fellow girl out.

a.k.a. StacyAww, that’s so nice of you. Good luck with the rest of the tournament!

Dyed hair makes good gator repellentThanks. I’ll need it.


(Early evening, final round between Sam and Lydia, to the tune of the Kanto Gym Theme from the Pokemon anime)

ANNOUNCER: We are truly witnessing the ultimate match here, folks. Sam, ever the strong, silent type, has utterly annihilated the competition thus far with Diddy Kong. But Emily is holding on to her dear last life!

(in the stands)

a.k.a. StacyC’mon Lydia! You can do it!

Milking a pun for all its worthShe’s really good, isn’t she?

REN: Yeah. I’m so glad we signed up, even if we all got knocked out early. These players have really inspired me to work on my game.

UNCLE: Yeah, kids today have become so smart. Never in my life did I expect to see a girl as one of the top players.

a.k.a. StacyWell, now you know.

(after several rounds of blows and dodges, Lucina slips on a surprise peel, which Diddy Kong punishes with a final attack. The crowd bursts out hollering and cheering.)

ANNOUNCER: WE HAVE A WINNER! Congratulations to Sam, our new champion! I’ve never seen anyone maneuver Diddy Kong so well!

SAM: (shakes hands) Thanks for such a great experience. It was truly a thrill to face someone as skilled as you.

Dyed hair makes good gator repellentThe same with you too. I guess I’ll have to settle for second, but I’ll be ready for you next time.

SAM: I’ll be waiting.

(Stacy, Oliver, Ren, and Uncle come down from the stands)

Dyed hair makes good gator repellentWell, that was my best result so far.

a.k.a. StacyWe were all hoping you’d win.

Dyed hair makes good gator repellentI was too, naturally. But there’s always a better player out there.

REN: Hey, you’re still better than all of us.

Milking a pun for all its worthYeah. I can’t imagine how I’d beat your Lucina.

Dyed hair makes good gator repellentEh, it’s not to get too complacent. For all I know, you could all be my fiercest rivals someday. (turns to Uncle) So, how long have you been playing?

UNCLE: Since the arcade days. Haven’t had time to get back into it, but perhaps a little motivation from my niece could get these old thumbs working again.

a.k.a. StacyAww, thanks, Uncle. You’re the best! (hugs him)

UNCLE: (surprised, then smiles)

Milking a pun for all its worthWell, it looks like we ought to get going. Let’s all keep in touch, shall we?

REN: I have to attend to the Gamer Club, but I’ll find some time.

Dyed hair makes good gator repellentI’ll try to visit whenever I get the chance.

a.k.a. StacySounds good. Bye, everyone!


a.k.a. Stacy(narrating) So, we all became close friends after that tournament.

(video game club gathering is shown)

a.k.a. Stacy(narrating) Oliver and I have started our own club, Games for Everyone. Emily was right; it turned out that several girls liked video games at my school, but just needed friends to show them there was nothing strange about it. Ren comes around every so often. He doesn’t let Lucas know of course.

(Stacy is seen at her computer)

a.k.a. Stacy(narrating) Speaking of Lydia, we keep in touch. She’s really smart. Not only does she kick my butt online, she’s also a math prodigy who’s applying for a computer science degree. Hmm…maybe I should get into programming too….

(Shows dinner with Oliver, Ren, and Uncle)

a.k.a. Stacy(narrating) Uncle and I have become a lot closer. He’s still a bit hesitant to play with us kids, but we always appreciate his wisdom. And his crankiness.

(Shows Stacy, Oliver, Uncle, Ren, and Emily huddled around TV screen, with a match against M. Bison in Street Fighter II playing. Oliver hands the controller to Stacy.)

a.k.a. Stacy(voice-over) As for Lucas…well, I’m still waiting on that rematch.

UNCLE: Just like her old man, picking Chun-Li.

Milking a pun for all its worthYou think she’ll finally win it for us?

REN: Positive. The highest-level computer is no match for Stacy.

Dyed hair makes good gator repellentYes. She’s gotten a lot better in the last few months.


CHUN-LI: Hahahahaha! Yatta!

Milking a pun for all its worthQuick, we need to get a picture of this moment.

Dyed hair makes good gator repellent(readies camera) All right everyone, get ready! (runs over)

ALL: (strikes Street Fighter style victory pose just before camera flashes) YEAH!

(Street Fighter II ending music plays in the background)


Fake Geek Girl Adventures Act 3-2: “Not Even Good Enough to be my Fake”

Published June 1, 2015 by immaterialideal


(convention centre, video game hall. Stacy and Lucas, controlling Zelda and Meta Knight respectively, each have 1 life left. What I’m Made Of is playing in the background)

(both fighters exchange blows and dodges. Meta Knight seems to gain a percent advantage)

ANNOUNCER: This is tight! Meta Knight’s flurry of attacks has served Lucas well so far, but Stacy is just holding on by playing defensively with Zelda’s magic. It’s anyone’s game! One hit could decide it all!

LUCAS: Ugh, what a noob. You can’t just camp forever! Let’s get this over with!

a.k.a. Stacy(silent, in intense concentration)

(both fighters stand still for a few seconds, eyeing each other. Meta Knight rushes towards Zelda and they collide in a final clash of attacks, but Zelda lands the hit and sends Meta Knight flying)


The Winner is…Zelda!

(loud applause erupts from the spectators)

ANNOUNCER: What an impressive victory from newcomer Stacy! It looked like Lucas had her on the ropes, but her patience paid off! She may call herself Fake Geek Girl, but she looks like the real deal!

a.k.a. StacyGood game.

LUCAS: Hmph. Happy you got lucky, scrub?

a.k.a. StacyCall me a scrub all you want, but I’m still the scrub that beat you. (holds out NerD hand)

LUCAS: Whatever. Good game. (begrudgingly shakes hand)

a.k.a. StacyAny time you want a rematch, just let me know.

LUCAS: (silently walks away)


a.k.a. StacyHey, Uncle! I won!

UNCLE: Haha! I knew you could do it! You’re my niece, after all!

a.k.a. StacySo, how did your game go?

UNCLE: Eh, kids these days are damn good. Watch out for Sam. Crushed me without losing a single life.

a.k.a. StacyOh, that’s too bad. But did you have fun at least?

UNCLE: Losing ain’t fun, but I’d be willing to fight again.

a.k.a. StacySweet. Let’s see how Oliver’s doing.

The Winner is…Ike!

IKE: I fight for my friends.

Milking a pun for all its worthGood game.

REN: Indeed.

Milking a pun for all its worthHey, Stace! I’m in the second round!

a.k.a. StacyMe too!

REN: So you’re Stacy? I believe we haven’t properly introduced ourselves yet. I’m Ren. Pleased to meet you.

a.k.a. StacyOh…(reluctantly shakes hands) You’re the Vice-President of the Gamer Club, aren’t you? You, um, don’t still think I’m a fake, do you?

REN: Oh…I’m so sorry about that. Actually, I was excited to have a girl in the club, and so were many of the others. I should have said something.

a.k.a. StacyWell, why didn’t you? You know how it felt to have the entire club jeering at me?

REN: Yes…. It was awful. I was scared of speaking up lest they turned on me too. I guess I’m not as brave as Oliver. Again, I’m really sorry that I didn’t say anything.

a.k.a. StacyIt’s okay. It’s all in the past now.

Milking a pun for all its worthI don’t get it. Why are you friends with him if you seem so scared of him?

REN: He wasn’t always like this. At first, he was just happy to have me and a few others to play games with. But ever since he started joining online communities, he became more obsessed with the notion of a “true gamer.” Thing is, he’s actually quite insecure since he used to be bullied for being a nerd, so he’s very defensive of that identity. It’s not pleasant when his ego gets bruised, but everyone needs a friend.

Milking a pun for all its worthI see. Well, I hope you can eventually get to him.

REN: Me too. Anyways, gotta go. I’ll try to catch your remaining games!

Milking a pun for all its worthHave fun.

a.k.a. StacyBye!


(video game room, preparing for second round)

Dyed hair makes good gator repellentHi. I suppose you’re my opponent for the next round. Stacy, right?

a.k.a. StacyUm, yes. And you’re Lydia?

Dyed hair makes good gator repellentYep.

a.k.a. StacyPleased to meet you, Lydia. (shakes hands) It’s so nice to see another girl around here.

Dyed hair makes good gator repellentOh? Why?

a.k.a. StacyWell, this is the first time I’ve met another girl who likes video games. It’s kind of lonely where I’m from.

Dyed hair makes good gator repellentAre you sure? Perhaps other girls have never told you about it. My girl friends and I have been playing games our whole lives.

a.k.a. StacyWait, so nobody treats you as weird for liking games?

Dyed hair makes good gator repellentWeird? No. Around here, guys think it’s cool to see girls playing games. There are some idiots on the Net, but who cares about them?

a.k.a. StacyWow. I wish my town could be like that.

ANNOUNCER: Our second round is under-way! For this match, the newcomer Stacy will be fighting veteran Smasher Lydia. Will Stacy be able to pull another upset with Zelda against Emily and Lucina? Let’s find out. IT’S TIME TO DUEL!

(Hoenn Elite Four Theme from the Pokemon anime starts up)

a.k.a. Stacy(gasp) You’re a veteran?

Dyed hair makes good gator repellentBeen playing tournaments for 4 years. Don’t let that scare you, though. Show me your A-game.

a.k.a. StacyAl-Alrighty then.

Dyed hair makes good gator repellentGood luck.

a.k.a. StacyYou too.


Fake Geek Girl Adventures Act 3-1: “Today is Your Day!”

Published May 3, 2015 by immaterialideal


(Morning, convention centre entrance)

Milking a pun for all its worthPhew, made it. Better get in line. Looks like the Gamer Club’s just getting signed in.

(at reception)

REN: Representing the Gamer Club, miss.

RECEPTIONIST: Okay…(checks off names) Your registration is confirmed. Please head down the hall.

REN: I’m pretty nervous. Those city kids are going to be tough.

LUCAS: Stop being such a sissy, Ren. They’re no different from the usual online scrubs.

(Gamer Club walks away)

(Receptionist sighs) Noobkiller, seriously?

UNCLE: Okay, you kids get signed up. I’m going to wait in the hall.

a.k.a. StacyWait, what? Aren’t you going to wait in line with us?

UNCLE: It’s your contest, kiddos. Better hurry, it’s a long line-up.

a.k.a. StacyUm…excuse me Oliver. Could you reserve a spot?

Milking a pun for all its worthSure thing! (gets in line)

a.k.a. Stacy(steps aside, faces Uncle) I thought we were going into this as a team! I signed on all three of us!

UNCLE: You did? I never agreed to this.

a.k.a. StacyCome on, Uncle! You’re here, so why not have some fun? Show off some of your skills?

UNCLE: Skills? I haven’t played in ages. I don’t know a thing about “wavedashing” or “L-canceling” or anything else you kids keep blabbing about.

a.k.a. StacyBut you were the best Street Fighter player around!

UNCLE: That was just a few games over drinks at the pub. We never had tournaments. It was just something we did after work.

a.k.a. Stacy(gasps in shock) You mean, you’re not a gaming vet?

UNCLE: Heavens, no. I’m an old man. Do you think I have any time left for video games? I have a busy job and a family to care for.

a.k.a. StacyI’m your family too! All I wanted was for us to have fun together. It doesn’t matter how good you are.

UNCLE: Oh, come on Stacy. You don’t expect me to go out with a bunch of kids, do you?

a.k.a. StacyYes! That doesn’t matter either! Everyone will be excited to see an adult playing! You’ve told us how much you enjoyed playing at the pub. Well, here’s your chance to be young again! Please, Uncle? For me?

UNCLE: (pauses, thinking it over) All right. Let’s get in line.


RECEPTIONIST: Okay, let’s see…Fake Geek Girl?

a.k.a. StacyYep, that’s what everyone calls me!

RECEPTIONIST: (stares disapprovingly) Sheesh, show some confidence, girl. (checks off name) Now…Filthy Casual?

Milking a pun for all its worthYes, ma’am.

RECEPTIONIST: (checks off name, turns to Uncle) Okay, what silly title are you going by?

UNCLE: Just Uncle.

RECEPTIONIST: (smiles, relieved) Thanks. You’re all confirmed. Please head down the hall.

Milking a pun for all its worthReady, everyone?

UNCLE: No. A lot of those kids look pretty good.

Milking a pun for all its worthAll the better to win against, right Stacy?

a.k.a. StacyYep. Can’t wait to hang with the pros. But before we go, just one more thing…(pulls out marker, scribbles on hand)


LUCAS: Well, well, the fakers have arrived. And oh look, “geek” girl’s brought her daddy to cry to.

a.k.a. StacyFor your information, he’s my uncle. And he’s playing in this tournament too. Got a problem with that?

LUCAS: Ooh, I’m so scared. So now you need some big strong man to play for you too?

UNCLE: Hmph. Kids these days. Now listen here boy. You better not be causing these two any problems, or else.

LUCAS: Or else what?

UNCLE: Your parents will be hearing about you.

LUCAS: (glares defiantly)

ANNOUNCER: Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to the 6th annual Super Smash Bros Tournament. Each match will be single-elimination, one-on-one. Sixty-four smashers have come from all across the city and beyond, but only one will survive six gruelling battles to take away the Smash Cup. So, fighters, are you ready to SMAAAAAASH?


ANNOUNCER: Awesome! The first-round bracket has been determined. Fighters, take your positions in the assigned rooms. And remember, let’s keep it clean! Now come out fighting!

Milking a pun for all its worth(looks at bracket screen on the wall) Wow, Stacy. Take a look at who you’re up against.

a.k.a. Stacy(checks bracket, gasps) No way. (stares at Lucas)

LUCAS: (sneers back) Hmph. Scared, faker?

a.k.a. Stacy(waves hand with NerD written on it) No. Are you?

LUCAS: Ha, you kidding? Thanks for giving me a free round, Miss “Nerd”. Bring it.

a.k.a. StacyWith pleasure.

(What I’m Made Of from Sonic Heroes starts up)


Fake Geek Girl Adventures Act 2-3: “I Don’t Like Your Plan. It Sucks.”

Published April 25, 2015 by immaterialideal


(Evening, Oliver’s room. Oliver sitting at computer, browsing the Internet)

(on-screen) LUCAS: Can’t wait to crush some noobs tomorrow.

REN: Um, Lucas, how much practice have you put in?

LUCAS: Practice? Hah! My opponents are nothing against Meta Knight.

REN: Look, we’ve been over this. You can’t expect to win just by spamming tornados.

LUCAS: Spamming? You’ve seen me play. You should know my skills better than anyone.

REN: Yeah, I do. You’ve never beaten anything by yourself. You always reach for the FAQ first. You mocked that girl for not beating Ruby and Emerald Weapon, but even after you looked up the guide, I still had to tell you how to do it.

LUCAS: Oh, boo hoo. If you love Fake Geek Girl so much, why didn’t you say anything then?

Milking a pun for all its worth(while looking at forum posts) Heh heh, what do you know?


(The next evening, one day before the tournament)

Milking a pun for all its worthHey, Stacy, I got some great news.

a.k.a. StacyYeah? Shoot.

Milking a pun for all its worthYou know Lucas? He’s a fake! He only beat Ruby and Emerald Weapon because he had someone helping him!

a.k.a. StacyNo way! What a hypocrite.

Milking a pun for all its worthOne of the other Gamer Club guys was complaining that he never practices and just expects to win with Meta Knight.

a.k.a. StacyWow. I can’t wait to pop that guy’s ego.

Milking a pun for all its worthMe too! Whoever gets him, we’ll kick his ass! Then we can expose that fake geek to the entire university! I can’t wait to see the look on his face.

a.k.a. StacyUm…sure.

Milking a pun for all its worthJust think, for once, everyone will be laughing at him, not us! He’ll be ruined! Once the school gets word, he’ll never be able to face his stupid club ever again!

a.k.a. Stacy

Milking a pun for all its worthStacy, what’s wrong?

a.k.a. StacyI’m sorry, Oliver. I…I just don’t want to be a part of that.

Milking a pun for all its worthWait, part of what?

a.k.a. Stacy…calling people fake. All we end up doing is pointing fingers at each other.

Milking a pun for all its worthBut he’s been nothing but horrible to you!

a.k.a. StacySure. But he’s not the only one. And it’s like what Lindsay Lohan said in Mean Girls. Calling other girls ugly didn’t make me any prettier. Calling them shallow and vain didn’t make me feel any less fake. I’ve went through enough. Making other people go through that humiliation won’t make us any happier.

Milking a pun for all its worthOh. Sorry. Just a stupid idea of mine, that’s all.

a.k.a. StacyDon’t worry about that. I know he’s been an asshole to you too. But we don’t need dirty tricks. We’ve got our skills. We trained hard for this tournament.

Milking a pun for all its worthYeah, you’re right. We’re gonna go in there and win! On our own merits! Let’s do this!

a.k.a. StacyIndeed! (high-fives Oliver)


(Stacy’s house, outside)

UNCLE: (parks car) Ready? We won’t be stopping for bathroom breaks.

a.k.a. Stacy(smiles) Ready as ever.

UNCLE: Stacy, I got something for you. (hands over case)

a.k.a. Stacy(opens case) Aww, thanks, Uncle. They’re lovely. (puts on new glasses)

UNCLE: You’ll need perfect eyesight for the tournament!

(on the road)

Milking a pun for all its worthHey, Stace, I hope we don’t die of dysentry.

UNCLE: (glares at Oliver through front mirror)

Milking a pun for all its worthYou know, Oregon Trail?

a.k.a. Stacy(stifles giggle)

UNCLE: …that’s it. No more game jokes, you two. Save em for the convention.

(end of Act II)


Fake Geek Girl Adventures Act 2-2: “Swift as the Coursing River”

Published April 12, 2015 by immaterialideal


(Stacy’s house, living room at dawn. Morning sun shines into the room)

UNCLE: So, you want to be a master of video games, do you?

a.k.a. StacyMilking a pun for all its worthUh-huh.

UNCLE: You want me to train you so you can fight back against bullies?

a.k.a. StacyMilking a pun for all its worthUh-huh.

UNCLE: Then why don’t you just learn karate?

a.k.a. StacyBecause our bullies are nerds, not jocks.

UNCLE: Oh, nerd bullies you say? A contest of brains, not brawn?

a.k.a. StacyMilking a pun for all its worthUh-huh.

UNCLE: Wrong answer! Intellect alone can’t win you games. Reflexes alone can’t win you games. You need both to defeat your foes!

Milking a pun for all its worthSo you’ll help us? Grant us your great video game wisdom?

UNCLE: Don’t be a kiss-ass.


(Stacy’s room, afternoon)

UNCLE: We start simple! Punch-Out!! An arcade classic! No gimmicks, just pure timing and reflexes! Even with your new-fangled graphics, it’s all about fundamentals! (inserts disc in Wii)

Milking a pun for all its worth(keeps jabbing King Hippo’s belly, gets knocked out) Geez, how are you supposed to hurt him?

a.k.a. StacyLet me try. (gets King Hippo down to half health, but gets knocked out by double punch) This game is hard!

UNCLE: (shakes head) Kids these days.

Milking a pun for all its worthCan we play Smash Bros now?

UNCLE: You want to give up so early? You haven’t even passed the first circuit! Are you just going to wimp out like this in front of so many people?

a.k.a. StacyBut how is this supposed to help us? Smash Bros is a lot more complex than this! You have special moves and stuff.

UNCLE: Stacy, how can you throw fireballs before you learn to punch? We’ll try a different game. (puts on Pac-Man) Use your big pellets wisely. Look at the entire screen. Draw the path to victory in your head, then travel it!

Milking a pun for all its wortha.k.a. Stacy(both repeatedly hear Pac-Man die on the first two levels)

a.k.a. StacyStupid ghosts!

Milking a pun for all its worthThey keep trapping me!

UNCLE: (shakes head) Enough. We try again in two weeks.

a.k.a. StacyBut Uncle, we haven’t played Smash Bros yet! And the tournament’s in a month!

UNCLE: Expert players have instinct. They will think 20 moves ahead of you. You both lack that instinct, and it cannot be taught in a month. And I have a job and family to attend to. Two weeks, no sooner. (leaves)

Milking a pun for all its worth(looks at a dejected Stacy) Well, you tried. We can still go to the tournament for fun, I guess.

a.k.a. Stacy…it’s not about the tournament.


(Stacy’s room, a few days later)

Milking a pun for all its worth(after a long losing streak in online Smash Bros) Your turn.

a.k.a. StacyWe’re not getting anywhere right now. Let’s take a break.

Milking a pun for all its worthYou know, that Punch-Out game was hard, but it sure was fun. I’m glad you have it.

a.k.a. StacyWell, I never got around to playing it before, but yeah, it’s satisfying just to punch people. Let’s do it.


a.k.a. StacyJust remember the order his fast punches come out, and you’ll get him this time!

Milking a pun for all its worth(cuts to Oliver laying the final punch on Mr. Sandman) Yeah! That was so much fun.

a.k.a. StacyJust like fighting bullies, right?

Milking a pun for all its worthYep. My favourite boxer’s Super Macho Man. He’s just like Lucas. (imitates Gamer Club leader) “Oh, these games? You haven’t played THESE games!”

a.k.a. StacyHahaha!


(montage of victories in Super Smash Bros by Zelda and Ike follow.)

a.k.a. StacyHi, Uncle!

UNCLE: Oh, hello, Stacy. Are you still playing that Smash Bros game?

a.k.a. StacyYes. Thanks for the advice! Beating Punch-Out really helped, and we’ve gotten a lot better at thinking ahead of our opponents because of it! Just like you said!

UNCLE: WHAT?! You kids sure have a lot of time on your hands.

Milking a pun for all its worthHey, er, Uncle, do you want to play with us?

UNCLE: I don’t know if I have the time…and I’m not used to your newfangled games…

a.k.a. StacyPlease, Uncle? We haven’t done anything together in years.

UNCLE: (sigh) Fine. Just for my beloved niece. Let me just read the manual first.


The Winner is…Mario!

UNCLE: Haha! The old man’s still got it!

Milking a pun for all its worthSee, Stacy, I told you just attacking me was a bad idea!

a.k.a. StacyWell, you were always chasing me! But anyway, it was a close match. Congrats, Uncle!

UNCLE: This takes me back, when it was just me and my buddies blowing our extra change on Street Fighter.

Milking a pun for all its worthSay, were you really that good? And who was your favourite character?

UNCLE: Oh, I would win every single game as Chun-Li.

Milking a pun for all its worth(gasp) That’s awesome.

a.k.a. StacySo, do you think we’re ready for the tournament?

UNCLE: Well, you kids have certainly put your mind to this. You should do fine. In fact, I’ll drive you two there!

Milking a pun for all its wortha.k.a. StacyYay!

a.k.a. StacyI’ll sign us all up then!


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